every man should be ruler over his household

There are a lot of people who think this is a God ordained fact that was established since the beginning of time and that this is a universal truth established since the foundation of the world.  Unfortunately, most of those people, well mostly all of those people who think that are men.

As a man, I get why we like it.

It is far easier for me to say that I rule my home then it is for me to earn that love, honour, respect and adoration from my family.

See, that is why we men have made this a statement of fact and not one of lifestyle.

If we say we are rulers, then we are and now let’s get on with doing what we want to do.  It caters to our selfish needs and desires to get what we want, when we want it and how we want it done.  Don’t let us rant about the times our wives or children get in the way or our dreams.

Christian men abuse this statement more than any – they actually go around calling themselves rulers, demanding honour and respect.  Everyone else, realizing that they can’t lead, just pass off the responsibilities to their wives and become absent husbands and fathers, lost in their own world.  The divorce rate is just as high for both groups.

How does a man become ruler over his household – as the statement above suggests – he should desire that to be the case.

I am not a marriage counsellor and after 27 years of marriage I have still not figured everything out, but I have seen some things work well, and have two amazing children that God has blessed us with and favoured them so that we have seen them grow into amazing young adults.

I have also been a leader in the work place, leading teams of 15 people, in different organizations, under different elements, over the past 20 years.

Here is the process that helped  me most.

I wanted to be successful at work.  I applied myself to praying for that success, learning, reading, practicing, engaging, applying and growing.  I wanted to lead using God’s methods and not follow the applications provided by the secular organizations, so  lot of Biblical leadership principles were put into place and the changes that took place in my style, my relationship and the success of our teams were incredible.

I wanted to be successful as a husband and as a father.  I bought every book I thought would assist me in that endeavour.  In total, I purchased 52 books and read them all over a 6 year period.  If I measured the success to the relationship with my wife.  I prayed, tried to learn, tried to practice, tried to engage, tried to apply and did not grow.  I wanted to follow God’s methods and follow His applications to marriage and yet there were no changes in our relationship and there was no success in our marriage.

I started to combine what I was learning in the workplace at home and what I was learning at home into the workplace.  This combination of learning principles of leadership at work and at home enabled me to bring into perspective some of the key elements I was missing in both places.

For the purposes of today, let me focus on this one area – leadership in the home.

I had to earn the right to be trusted, earn the right to be honoured and respected.  I earned that right, by trusting, honouring, respecting, loving.  In some cases, I had to die to myself and give myself to my wife and my kids.  I became a nobody so that they could be somebody.  I came to serve, protect, give, love and in return, I was loved, adored, hugged, kissed, told a thousand times that I was loved.

The principle that God gave His life to the church and asked us men to give our lives to our wives in the same manner proved to be the key element that gave me the strength to move in this direction.  I gave it my all, yielded myself to God so that instead of looking for love from my wife and looked for it from God.  He filled me with His love, so that I had all the love my wife and kids needed to receive from me.  Emptied at night, with rarely nothing left over, I met with Him again in the morning to get my love from Him to be able to start the day again with a full tank.

The other biblical principle that proved both effect at work and at home was give first.  A character of God is generosity.  Give and give and give and when you absolutely think that’s it there is nothing left in the tank, give again.  Somehow, in the spiritual world that we cannot see, there is a principle in place.  The principle is simple, when you give, you receive.  If you want love, then give it away, because the action of giving is met with a responding action of receiving.  Give away trust to obtain trust, give away respect to obtain respect, give away honour, in order to be honoured.  What you plant is what you harvest.

Yes, we should be providing the safety and security and love in our homes.   We should be introducing this amazing God who loves us so much and let our families see that intimacy that exists between God and us and God’s desire to be part of our every day.  We should present the character of God to our families and to our work place so that God’s name is not a reproach, but a name that is glorified because of our words and our actions.

Gentlemen, rule your homes, rule with love, grace and mercy, be filled with God, may His peace and strength be yours always and may kindness, gentleness, love, joy, patience, peace, hope and faith be the traits of your leadership wherever God has called you to lead.


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2 responses to this post.

  1. This is so practical and useful. it helps unpackage the ideal and steer us away from the abuse we so naturally default to. I agree that Christian marriages need to be distinctive from the rest of the population – for good reasons! – and your post is a definite help. Thanks


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